Ordering at a restaurant can be a culinary minefield, fraught with hidden pitfalls that even seasoned diners can stumble upon. Drawing from the wisdom of the late Anthony Bourdain and other culinary experts, there are certain menu items and dining practices one should generally avoid to ensure a satisfying and safe experience. From questionable seafood choices to risky specials, knowing what not to order is as crucial as knowing what tantalizes your taste buds.
Navigating a restaurant menu requires a degree of savvy to sidestep potential disappointments or, worse, health hazards. Bourdain, a celebrated chef, author, and television personality, often shared his candid insights on the restaurant industry, pulling back the curtain on its less glamorous aspects. His advice, combined with other culinary authorities, underscores the importance of informed decision-making when dining out. This guide highlights 14 things to avoid ordering in a restaurant, drawing from Bourdain’s experience and other expert opinions, providing a roadmap for a better dining experience.
Suspect Seafood on Mondays
One of the most consistent pieces of advice from Bourdain and other chefs is to avoid ordering seafood, especially fish, on Mondays. “I never order fish on Monday,” Bourdain famously said in his book Kitchen Confidential. The reason? Most restaurants receive their last seafood delivery on Thursday or Friday to serve weekend crowds. By Monday, the fish could be days old, increasing the risk of spoilage and diminished quality. While not all establishments are guilty, the risk is elevated enough to warrant caution.
The freshness of seafood is paramount, and the longer it sits, the more likely it is to degrade. Fish should have a firm texture, a fresh, sea-like smell, and bright, clear eyes. If a fishy odor is present or the texture seems soft or slimy, it’s best to steer clear. Reputable restaurants will prioritize freshness, but it’s wise to inquire about the seafood’s origin and delivery schedule before ordering, particularly at the start of the week. This advice extends to raw seafood like sushi and oysters, where freshness is even more critical.
Brunch Buffet Perils
Brunch buffets might seem like an economical and diverse option, but they often come with significant drawbacks. Food safety is a primary concern. Items sitting out for extended periods can foster bacterial growth, especially if temperature controls are inadequate. Warm dishes need to be kept above 140°F (60°C), while cold dishes should remain below 40°F (4°C) to inhibit bacterial proliferation. Buffets that fail to maintain these temperatures increase the risk of foodborne illnesses.
Moreover, the quality of food in buffets is often subpar. Restaurants might use lower-quality ingredients to maximize profits or repurpose leftovers from previous days. Scrambled eggs can be watery, bacon can be limp, and pastries can be stale. While some establishments maintain high standards even in their buffet offerings, it’s prudent to approach brunch buffets with skepticism, assessing the food’s appearance, temperature, and turnover rate before indulging. Look for buffets with smaller quantities that are frequently replenished, which suggests a commitment to freshness.
Well-Done Steak: An Insult to the Chef (and the Meat)
Ordering a steak well-done is often frowned upon by chefs, and for good reason. Cooking a steak to well-done requires it to be heated to a high internal temperature, typically around 170°F (77°C) or higher. This process can render the meat dry, tough, and devoid of much of its natural flavor. The Maillard reaction, responsible for the desirable browning and complex flavors in steak, is diminished in well-done preparations.
From a chef’s perspective, a well-done steak is a waste of a good cut of meat. It eliminates the nuances of the meat’s marbling and texture, reducing it to a uniform, bland product. Chefs take pride in their ability to cook a steak to the precise level of doneness requested, and a well-done order can be seen as a challenge to their expertise. While personal preferences are valid, understanding the impact of overcooking on the steak’s quality might encourage diners to consider a medium or medium-well preparation instead, allowing the meat’s inherent qualities to shine through.
“Catch of the Day” Caveats
The “catch of the day” can be a tempting option, promising the freshest and most seasonal seafood available. However, it can also be a marketing ploy to move less desirable or aging inventory. In some cases, the “catch” might not be particularly fresh or locally sourced, despite the impression created.
To make an informed decision, ask specific questions about the catch of the day. Inquire about the type of fish, its origin, and when it was caught. A reputable restaurant will be transparent about this information. If the server is vague or hesitant, it might be a sign that the fish is not as fresh or high-quality as advertised. Consider also the price point; if the “catch of the day” is significantly cheaper than other seafood options on the menu, it could be an indicator of its quality.
Oysters Without an “R”
An old culinary adage suggests avoiding oysters in months without an “R” in their name—May, June, July, and August. This advice stems from the oyster’s reproductive cycle. During warmer months, oysters spawn, which can make them taste milky, thin, and less flavorful. Additionally, the risk of bacterial contamination, particularly Vibrio bacteria, is higher in warmer waters, increasing the likelihood of foodborne illness.
While modern oyster farming practices have mitigated some of these risks, the guideline remains a useful rule of thumb. Oysters harvested from colder waters or from farms with strict quality controls are generally safe and palatable year-round. However, when dining out during the warmer months, it’s essential to inquire about the oyster’s origin and harvesting practices to ensure they are from a reputable source. If in doubt, it’s best to err on the side of caution and postpone oyster consumption until the cooler months.
Soup of the Day: A Leftover Lagoon?
The soup of the day can be a convenient way for restaurants to utilize leftover ingredients, potentially masking their age or quality. While not all restaurants engage in this practice, it’s a possibility to be aware of. Ingredients that are nearing their expiration date or are in excess from other dishes might find their way into the soup pot.
To assess the quality of the soup of the day, consider its ingredients and appearance. If the description includes a medley of seemingly disparate items, it could be a sign that it’s a repository for leftovers. Look for soups with a clear, consistent broth and fresh-looking ingredients. If the soup appears murky or contains wilted vegetables, it’s best to avoid it. Asking the server about the soup’s ingredients and preparation methods can also provide valuable insights.
Chicken Dishes: Tread Carefully
Chicken is a ubiquitous menu item, but it can also be a source of concern in restaurants. Due to its relatively bland flavor, chicken can be easily disguised if it’s not fresh or properly prepared. Restaurants might use older chicken or chicken that has been improperly stored, relying on sauces and seasonings to mask any off-flavors.
Pay attention to the chicken’s texture and appearance. It should be moist, tender, and evenly cooked. If the chicken is dry, rubbery, or has an unusual odor, it’s a sign that it’s not fresh or has been mishandled. Be particularly cautious with breaded or fried chicken dishes, as the breading can conceal the chicken’s quality. Opt for grilled or roasted chicken preparations, where the chicken’s natural characteristics are more evident.
Anything “Special” That’s Too Cheap
Specials can be a great way to try new dishes or take advantage of seasonal ingredients. However, if a special seems suspiciously cheap, it could be a red flag. Restaurants might offer deeply discounted specials to move items that are nearing their expiration date or are of lower quality.
Consider the ingredients and preparation methods of the special. If it includes inexpensive ingredients or involves simple cooking techniques, the price might be justified. However, if the special features high-end ingredients or requires complex preparation, a significantly low price could indicate that the restaurant is cutting corners on quality. It’s always prudent to ask about the origin and freshness of the ingredients used in the special before ordering.
Overly Complicated Cocktails
Elaborate cocktails with numerous ingredients and garnishes can be tempting, but they can also be a sign of a bar that prioritizes presentation over quality. A complex cocktail requires the bartender to juggle multiple ingredients, increasing the risk of errors or inconsistencies. Moreover, some bars might use lower-quality spirits or mixers in complex cocktails to save on costs, knowing that the numerous flavors will mask any deficiencies.
Simpler cocktails, made with a few high-quality ingredients, are often a better choice. A classic cocktail, such as a Martini, Old Fashioned, or Negroni, showcases the quality of the spirits and the bartender’s skill. These cocktails are less prone to errors and allow the individual flavors of the ingredients to shine through.
Buffets in General (Beyond Brunch)
While brunch buffets have specific pitfalls, buffets in general share many of the same concerns. Food safety remains a primary issue, as food sitting out for extended periods can harbor bacteria. The longer the food sits, the greater the risk of contamination and spoilage.
The quality of ingredients in buffets is also often compromised. Restaurants might use cheaper cuts of meat, frozen vegetables, or pre-made sauces to reduce costs. The variety of dishes offered can be overwhelming, but the quality of each individual dish might suffer as a result. Approach buffets with caution, carefully inspecting the food’s appearance, temperature, and turnover rate before indulging.
Tap Water: Ask Questions
While tap water is generally safe to drink in most restaurants, it’s worth asking about its source and quality. Some restaurants might use water filtration systems to improve the taste and purity of their tap water. Others might rely solely on municipal water, which can vary in quality depending on the location.
If you’re concerned about the taste or quality of the tap water, consider ordering bottled water or sparkling water instead. These options provide a consistent and predictable taste. However, be mindful of the environmental impact of bottled water, and consider choosing a restaurant that offers filtered tap water as an alternative.
Anything the Server Pushes Too Hard
A server’s enthusiasm for a particular dish is not always a genuine endorsement. Sometimes, servers are encouraged to push certain items to clear out inventory or to promote dishes with higher profit margins. If a server is overly insistent on a particular dish, it’s worth considering why.
Ask the server about the dish’s ingredients, preparation methods, and popularity with other diners. If the server is vague or evasive, it could be a sign that they’re simply trying to sell you something they need to get rid of. Trust your instincts and choose a dish that genuinely appeals to you, rather than being swayed by a pushy server.
Overly Long Menus
A lengthy menu might seem like a sign of abundance, but it can also indicate that the restaurant is not specializing in any particular cuisine or dish. Restaurants with overly long menus often struggle to maintain the quality and freshness of all their offerings. Ingredients might sit for extended periods, and preparation methods might be inconsistent.
Opt for restaurants with concise menus that focus on a specific culinary style or type of cuisine. These establishments are more likely to use fresh, high-quality ingredients and to have mastered their signature dishes. A shorter menu also suggests that the restaurant is confident in its offerings and is not trying to cater to every possible taste.
“Cleaned” Calamari
Anthony Bourdain specifically warned against ordering “cleaned” calamari. This refers to calamari that has been pre-cleaned and processed, often resulting in a bland and rubbery texture. Fresh, properly prepared calamari should be tender and flavorful, with a slightly briny taste.
“If you see ‘cleaned’ calamari on the menu, run,” Bourdain advised. “It’s a sign that the restaurant is cutting corners and not using fresh ingredients.” Opt for calamari that is described as “fresh” or “locally sourced.” If in doubt, ask the server about the calamari’s preparation methods and origin.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
1. Why is it generally advised to avoid seafood on Mondays?
Many restaurants receive their last seafood delivery on Thursdays or Fridays to cater to weekend demand. By Monday, the seafood may be several days old, increasing the risk of spoilage and diminished quality. While not all restaurants are guilty, the risk is elevated enough to warrant caution.
2. What are the main concerns with brunch buffets?
Food safety is a primary concern, as food sitting out for extended periods can foster bacterial growth, especially if temperature controls are inadequate. The quality of food in buffets is often subpar. Restaurants might use lower-quality ingredients to maximize profits or repurpose leftovers from previous days.
3. Why do chefs often discourage ordering steak well-done?
Cooking a steak to well-done requires it to be heated to a high internal temperature, which can render the meat dry, tough, and devoid of much of its natural flavor. It eliminates the nuances of the meat’s marbling and texture, reducing it to a uniform, bland product.
4. What questions should I ask about the “catch of the day” to ensure it’s fresh?
Inquire about the type of fish, its origin, and when it was caught. A reputable restaurant will be transparent about this information. Also, consider the price point; if it’s significantly cheaper than other seafood options, it could be an indicator of its quality.
5. Why should I be cautious about ordering overly complicated cocktails?
A complex cocktail requires the bartender to juggle multiple ingredients, increasing the risk of errors or inconsistencies. Some bars might use lower-quality spirits or mixers in complex cocktails to save on costs, knowing that the numerous flavors will mask any deficiencies.
Detailed Analysis and Extended Context
Expanding on the initial points, it’s crucial to understand the broader context behind these dining “don’ts.” Restaurants operate under various constraints, including cost management, supply chain logistics, and the ever-present pressure to deliver a consistent dining experience. These factors can influence the quality and freshness of the food served.
The Monday Seafood Dilemma: A Supply Chain Perspective
The advice to avoid seafood on Mondays isn’t merely a culinary superstition; it reflects the realities of restaurant supply chains. Most seafood distributors operate on a schedule that prioritizes weekend deliveries, when demand is highest. This means that the fish delivered on Thursday or Friday must last through the weekend and into the beginning of the following week. While refrigeration and proper storage can help preserve freshness, seafood is inherently perishable.
Restaurants committed to serving fresh seafood will often have procedures in place to minimize the risk of serving day-old fish. This might involve ordering smaller quantities more frequently, partnering with local fishermen for daily deliveries, or using advanced preservation techniques like vacuum sealing or flash freezing. However, these practices can be more costly and labor-intensive, making them less common in restaurants focused on maximizing profits.
Consumers can play a role in encouraging restaurants to prioritize seafood freshness. By asking questions about the origin and delivery schedule of the fish, diners can signal to restaurants that they value quality over price. This can incentivize restaurants to invest in better sourcing and handling practices.
Brunch Buffets: Balancing Variety and Quality
Brunch buffets are a popular dining option, particularly on weekends, offering a wide array of dishes at a fixed price. However, the sheer variety of items can make it challenging for restaurants to maintain quality and freshness. Food that sits out for extended periods is susceptible to bacterial growth, posing a health risk.
To mitigate these risks, restaurants should adhere to strict food safety protocols. This includes maintaining proper temperature controls, using chafing dishes and ice baths to keep food at safe temperatures, and regularly replenishing dishes with fresh batches. Employees should also be trained to monitor the buffet and remove any items that appear to be spoiled or contaminated.
Consumers can also take steps to protect themselves when dining at a brunch buffet. Start by assessing the buffet’s overall cleanliness and organization. Look for signs of proper temperature control, such as steam rising from hot dishes and condensation on cold dishes. Avoid items that appear to be sitting out for a long time or that are not properly covered. Use clean utensils for each dish to prevent cross-contamination.
The Steak Debate: Understanding Doneness and Flavor
The preference for well-done steak is often a matter of personal taste, but it’s important to understand the impact of overcooking on the meat’s flavor and texture. Steak is composed of muscle fibers, fat, and connective tissue. When cooked to rare or medium-rare, the muscle fibers remain tender and juicy, and the fat melts, contributing to the meat’s flavor. The Maillard reaction, a chemical reaction between amino acids and reducing sugars, occurs at high temperatures, creating complex flavors and aromas.
As steak is cooked to higher degrees of doneness, the muscle fibers become tougher and drier, and the fat renders out, reducing the meat’s juiciness. The Maillard reaction continues to occur, but the resulting flavors can become more bitter and less nuanced. By the time a steak is cooked to well-done, much of its inherent flavor and tenderness has been lost.
Chefs often recommend cooking steak to medium or medium-rare to allow the meat’s natural qualities to shine through. This level of doneness provides a balance of tenderness, juiciness, and flavor. However, personal preferences vary, and it’s ultimately up to the individual diner to decide how they want their steak cooked.
The “Catch of the Day”: Navigating the Waters
The “catch of the day” can be a legitimate offering of fresh, seasonal seafood, but it can also be a way for restaurants to offload less desirable inventory. To make an informed decision, it’s essential to ask specific questions about the fish’s origin and freshness.
A reputable restaurant will be transparent about the type of fish, its source, and when it was caught. If the fish is locally sourced and caught recently, it’s more likely to be fresh and flavorful. However, if the fish is imported or has been stored for an extended period, its quality may be compromised.
The price of the “catch of the day” can also be an indicator of its quality. If it’s significantly cheaper than other seafood options on the menu, it could be a sign that the restaurant is cutting corners on sourcing or handling. It’s always prudent to inquire about the fish’s origin and freshness before ordering.
Oysters and the “R” Rule: A Seasonal Consideration
The adage to avoid oysters in months without an “R” stems from the oyster’s reproductive cycle. During warmer months, oysters spawn, which can make them taste milky, thin, and less flavorful. Additionally, the risk of bacterial contamination, particularly Vibrio bacteria, is higher in warmer waters.
Modern oyster farming practices have mitigated some of these risks, but the guideline remains a useful rule of thumb. Oysters harvested from colder waters or from farms with strict quality controls are generally safe and palatable year-round. However, it’s essential to inquire about the oyster’s origin and harvesting practices to ensure they are from a reputable source.
Soup of the Day: A Culinary Canvas
The soup of the day can be a creative way for chefs to showcase seasonal ingredients or experiment with new flavors. However, it can also be a way for restaurants to utilize leftover ingredients. While not all restaurants engage in this practice, it’s a possibility to be aware of.
To assess the quality of the soup of the day, consider its ingredients and appearance. If the description includes a medley of seemingly disparate items, it could be a sign that it’s a repository for leftovers. Look for soups with a clear, consistent broth and fresh-looking ingredients.
Chicken Dishes: A Versatile Protein with Potential Pitfalls
Chicken is a versatile protein that can be prepared in countless ways. However, its relatively bland flavor can make it easy to disguise if it’s not fresh or properly prepared. Restaurants might use older chicken or chicken that has been improperly stored, relying on sauces and seasonings to mask any off-flavors.
Pay attention to the chicken’s texture and appearance. It should be moist, tender, and evenly cooked. If the chicken is dry, rubbery, or has an unusual odor, it’s a sign that it’s not fresh or has been mishandled.
“Special” Offers: Proceed with Caution
Specials can be a great way to try new dishes or take advantage of seasonal ingredients. However, if a special seems suspiciously cheap, it could be a red flag. Restaurants might offer deeply discounted specials to move items that are nearing their expiration date or are of lower quality.
Consider the ingredients and preparation methods of the special. If it includes inexpensive ingredients or involves simple cooking techniques, the price might be justified. However, if the special features high-end ingredients or requires complex preparation, a significantly low price could indicate that the restaurant is cutting corners on quality.
Cocktails: Simplicity vs. Complexity
Elaborate cocktails with numerous ingredients and garnishes can be tempting, but they can also be a sign of a bar that prioritizes presentation over quality. A complex cocktail requires the bartender to juggle multiple ingredients, increasing the risk of errors or inconsistencies.
Simpler cocktails, made with a few high-quality ingredients, are often a better choice. A classic cocktail, such as a Martini, Old Fashioned, or Negroni, showcases the quality of the spirits and the bartender’s skill.
Buffets: A Balancing Act of Variety and Quality Control
Buffets, in general, share many of the same concerns as brunch buffets. Food safety remains a primary issue, as food sitting out for extended periods can harbor bacteria. The longer the food sits, the greater the risk of contamination and spoilage.
The quality of ingredients in buffets is also often compromised. Restaurants might use cheaper cuts of meat, frozen vegetables, or pre-made sauces to reduce costs.
Tap Water: A Basic Necessity with Potential Issues
While tap water is generally safe to drink in most restaurants, it’s worth asking about its source and quality. Some restaurants might use water filtration systems to improve the taste and purity of their tap water.
The Pushy Server: A Sales Tactic or Genuine Recommendation?
A server’s enthusiasm for a particular dish is not always a genuine endorsement. Sometimes, servers are encouraged to push certain items to clear out inventory or to promote dishes with higher profit margins.
The Overly Long Menu: A Jack of All Trades, Master of None?
A lengthy menu might seem like a sign of abundance, but it can also indicate that the restaurant is not specializing in any particular cuisine or dish. Restaurants with overly long menus often struggle to maintain the quality and freshness of all their offerings.
“Cleaned” Calamari: A Shortcut to Blandness
Anthony Bourdain specifically warned against ordering “cleaned” calamari. This refers to calamari that has been pre-cleaned and processed, often resulting in a bland and rubbery texture.
